Secure. Contain. Protect.

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WorldisQuiet5256
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by WorldisQuiet5256 »

Found a New Funny SCP Animated series.

Confinement Ep1
Confinement Ep2
Confinement Ep3
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ENIHCAMBUS
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by ENIHCAMBUS »

Ah, you have found that! :P

Yeah, it's one of the greatest SCP fan projects that exist, as it got a lot of praise from members of the SCP Wiki! :D
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Sundex
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by Sundex »

Watching the episodes now. They are interesting!
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Sublevel 109
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by Sublevel 109 »

I really liked that cave and dead world story. Extremely atmospheric...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjnTj_U6HO4&t=23m25s
Want to capture this moment in my next SCP:CB gameplay. Maybe I even record this time. :3
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ENIHCAMBUS
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by ENIHCAMBUS »

Yeah, its one of the best skips out there.
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WorldisQuiet5256
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by WorldisQuiet5256 »

Okay, so I made a random post in off topics asking for help with something else.
I've finished my SCP wiki idea, And I like you aspiring writers to give me an honest review of my SCP idea.

Idea's are bulletproof.
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Anteroinen
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by Anteroinen »

Just as a warning: this is going to be rough.

Let's me start by addressing the language. There's dozens of grammatical mistakes throughout the document, including the title. It should be "Ideas are bulletproof" not "Idea's are bulletproof". You actually seem to make this exact mistake regularly for every instance of "ideas", actually. This is fairly distracting. Very commonly you forget to use the past tense, for example:
The proposed containment procedures are written down on paper and file under
[...] [the documents are to be] sealed in a standard foundation folder and pass through channel Capa-Mike at Site █ [...]
Also, the letter is written Kappa not Capa. Further, the military alphabet uses Kilo for K, if that is what you were going for.
SCP 5256 is an entity that can be view by some people, but not everyone.
It should be SCP-5256 as well, with a hyphen. You seem to have misspelled this throughout.
What happen in there.
There are a large number of lacking or mistaken possessive forms:
Damocles Sword
Should be Damocles' Sword.
'he resides inside people unused space in their brains'
Should have "people's", although the sentence itself could probably be reworked a bit to sound nicer, e.g. "[he] resides in the unused space inside people's brain".

Now, on to the actual concept. I am not going to circle around this: this is a massive and transparent self-insert, and an over-powered one at that. A self-insert is not necessarily bad, but this doesn't really seem to go much beyond that. Even the inability to perceive your features comes from the forum lore where you hide your face a lot. You even make a point to mention that you have ear worms as if that was a superpower - its definitely something that should be cut, because it just makes the character you're creating seem pretentious as hell.

You haven't given any apparent limits to your powers either, nor explained the ones that you do have - you spend most of the description section describing all the cool clothes and gadgets you have and how you were found, but say precious little about your abilities. Where are the tests describing the statistics on who can see you? Descriptions and tests on what data your Dossier has?

Beyond that: It is VERY presumptuous to essentially hi-jack SCP-106 for your own use and basically say "oh, yes, my SCP (who is totally not me at all, guys) is basically a lot stronger than the famous murderous one". It is not in good taste and is in fact much more boring than if the SCP had refused to have anything to do with SCP-106 because it is so dangerous. Basically anything except having your character intuit everything about him would've been more interesting.

The most interesting part of this whole thing is the Dossier, but you spend barely any time on how it works. You say this:
However, those who can see SCP 5256, a new entry is made in SCP 5256-2. When SCP 5256 shows some of the pages of SCP 5256-2, each page contain the person full name and date of birth. With the rest of the page appearing blank to other people point of view. But the person who's name is on the page claims that the page is full of great many more details about them. Sometimes even claiming "I thought I was the only one who knew that". During testing, SCP 5256 claims that the pages about each person who can see it can go into more detail if the content is willing to be shared by the person who name is stated on the page. Moreover, any information that is electronic stored can be seen by SCP 5256, and ends up in the back pages of SCP 5256-2. However, any information written down on paper, unless directly view by SCP 5256 cannot be written down in SCP 5256-2, or known by SCP 5256.
Which implies the book is essentially magic and automatically fills itself, making SCP-5256 omniscient-by-proxy about everything that has ever been saved electronically. That is a cool concept. Not unique, but cool. However, based on the altercation with SCP-106, you make it seem more like SCP-5256 is some sort of an all-powerful explorer who can go looking around and writes stuff down into the Dossier. That is boring. It is practically just an invisible man who can't die and can teleport.

Also, reading that description HOW did SCP-5256 find out about SCP-106, again? What, does it just KNOW things by looking at someone? You do not adequately explain the powers that your SCP has.

This is more of a nitpick: why do you require that ideas for containing your SCP to be transported through SCP-028? It is a building that gives you complete knowledge on a random subject, by the way. This is a total non sequitur and it goes nowhere, so I do not get why you included it at all.

Ideas for improvement:
  1. Fix the spelling and grammatical errors.
  2. Remove the links to pictures and the Dossier. They can all be linked back to you too obviously, especially the tattoo (besides isn't that just taken from A Series of Unfortunate Events?).
  3. Knock down the SCP's power level. It should not have the ability to vanish into thin air at will and it shouldn't be able to just KNOW things without reading the Dossier - especially things that have never been written down, electronically or otherwise as with SCP-106.
  4. Have them test the SCP on some other humanoid before jumping straight to SCP-106.
  5. Have them test him in general.
  6. If you really want to have an altercation with SCP-106, have him see SCP-5256, making the research impossible.
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Ko9
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by Ko9 »

Now, we do not all have an Ant, the best thing to do for a long post and an important one, is to check it via this https://www.grammarcheck.net/editor/
I have found it very useful.
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ENIHCAMBUS
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by ENIHCAMBUS »

You can't have the SCP-5256 designation until Series VI opens, anything that goes beyond the current acceptable range (currently capped at 4999) gets summarily removed by staff.

BTW, Have you tried to seek feedback from the SCP Wiki forums?
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WorldisQuiet5256
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Re: Secure. Contain. Protect.

Post by WorldisQuiet5256 »

Anteroinen wrote:Just as a warning: this is going to be rough.
'

I've read it.
Thank you for your honesty.
I'll read it again. I understand the fact it is a grandiose self-import. But it base on some small idea I had on a short story.

I'll make modifications accordingly.
Moreover, it is overpowered a bit. I'm trying my best not to make a ghost. Since the very cultured concept of a 'free roaming spirit' seems overpowered as you've stated Anteroinen.

Moreover, I'll attempt to remove the entry on the SCP 106.
It's difficult to come up with test for a entity that leave no trace in the physical world. Yet is by your definition an 'explorer'.

I'm also trying my hardest not to recreate SCP-990.

Edit: Also, I know about my fault with past tense. It is difficult due to the fact my idea of past tense is a bit screwy. Such as 'it's past tense by the end of this sentence' is the problem I face with the grammar wiring I work with in my mind.
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